Happy Friday y’all!
Sooo, I’m getting ready to have a full hysterectomy in just under 2 weeks and I thought it was going to be easy to say goodbye, buuuut……
I guess I should start from the beginning. (TMI alert) I’ve had problems with that part of my anatomy since the beginning, but I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal until after I got married. I started taking the “pill” shortly after I got married (1985) and things were normal so I thought, and then when I quit taking it I didn’t get pregnant. So, I went to the doctor and found out that I didn’t ovulate properly, as in I hardly ever ovulated at all apparently. After taking some fertility drugs for a while, I finally got pregnant in 1992, only to have a miscarriage at 3 months (April). I found out I was pregnant as I was miscarrying yet again, in August of that same year. Then when my husband was in a horrific accident (Sept 1992), the thoughts of ever becoming parents went straight out the window. Even if my hubby hadn’t been hurt, according to the doc, there was still a good chance we wouldn’t have been able to have kids. For whatever reason, God decided we weren’t going to be parents. That’s very hard to accept at the ripe old age of 25. Especially when most of your friends are pregnant or already have babies.
For years, even though I always kept it to myself, it was a struggle seeing friends and family members raising their families, knowing I would never get to make all those memories with my own kids…..1st birthdays, or any birthday for that matter, Christmas’, Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny…no holidays, no first dates, no dances, Prom, teaching to drive, teaching anything for that matter.
It took many years to learn to accept that I’d never be a mom. My niece and nephews are all grown up now, with the youngest just finishing up high-school soon. My oldest nephew is married and just became a Dad, which made me a great-aunt a year ago. I just saw the little guy for the first time a couple of months ago and probably won’t get to see him again for close to a year, since we’re so far away. My niece got married a couple of years ago, and is now pregnant with her first. I saw a pic of her cute little baby bump today. That’s when it dawned on me. Here I am, 50 years old, getting ready to have a hysterectomy, and my sweet niece is going to be a mom, which means my sister-in-law is going to be a grandmother! 🙂 Dannnng, I won’t get to be a grandmother! 🙁
I’m really excited for them, and all the wonderful memories they are, and will be making, but I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that I’m a little sad. It took years of struggling and finally accepting not being able to have kids, and now realizing I won’t get to be a grandparent either. 🙁 For those of you that are or will be grandparents, I hear it’s better than being a parent because you can spoil them rotten and send them home! HA! 🙂
So, I guess the message here is that for those of you that are blessed to be parents and grandparents, don’t take it for granted. Enjoy every minute of it and relish the memories! And remember when you run across those of us that don’t have kids, please be gentle, and remember it’s not necessarily that we didn’t want them (though I know there are some people that don’t), it was just not in God’s plan for us.
Saying goodbye to my womb is bittersweet in that it never got to carry a child to term, but I truly can’t wait to not have anymore issues with it. I’ll be ok, I’m just a little sad is all.
Please wish me luck (and pray for my hubby!) in the next adventure in my life….. it’s called menopause! 😀
Have a very Blessed and fantabulous happy healthy weekend! 🙂