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I thought saying goodbye to my womb would be easier…..

Happy Friday y’all!

Sooo, I’m getting ready to have a full hysterectomy in just under 2 weeks and I thought it was going to be easy to say goodbye, buuuut……

I guess I should start from the beginning.  (TMI alert)  I’ve had problems with that part of my anatomy since the beginning, but I didn’t know that it wasn’t normal until after I got married.  I started taking the “pill” shortly after I got married (1985) and things were normal so I thought, and then when I quit taking it I didn’t get pregnant.  So, I went to the doctor and found out that I didn’t ovulate properly, as in I hardly ever ovulated at all apparently.  After taking some fertility drugs for a while, I finally got pregnant in 1992, only to have a miscarriage at 3 months (April).  I found out I was pregnant as I was miscarrying yet again, in August of that same year.  Then when my husband was in a horrific accident (Sept 1992), the thoughts of ever becoming parents went straight out the window.  Even if my hubby hadn’t been hurt, according to the doc, there was still a good chance we wouldn’t have been able to have kids.  For whatever reason, God decided we weren’t going to be parents.  That’s very hard to accept at the ripe old age of 25.  Especially when most of your friends are pregnant or already have babies.

For years, even though I always kept it to myself, it was a struggle seeing friends and family members raising their families, knowing I would never get to make all those memories with my own kids…..1st birthdays, or any birthday for that matter, Christmas’, Santa, Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny…no holidays, no first dates, no dances, Prom, teaching to drive, teaching anything for that matter.

It took many years to learn to accept that I’d never be a mom.  My niece and nephews are all grown up now, with the youngest just finishing up high-school soon.  My oldest nephew is married and just became a Dad, which made me a great-aunt a year ago.  I just saw the little guy for the first time a couple of months ago and probably won’t get to see him again for close to a year, since we’re so far away.  My niece got married a couple of years ago, and is now pregnant with her first.  I saw a pic of her cute little baby bump today.  That’s when it dawned on me.  Here I am, 50 years old, getting ready to have a hysterectomy, and my sweet niece is going to be a mom, which means my sister-in-law is going to be a grandmother! 🙂  Dannnng, I won’t get to be a grandmother!  🙁

I’m really excited for them, and all the wonderful memories they are, and will be making, but I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you that I’m a little sad.  It took years of struggling and finally accepting not being able to have kids, and now realizing I won’t get to be a grandparent either. 🙁  For those of you that are or will be grandparents, I hear it’s better than being a parent because you can spoil them rotten and send them home!  HA!  🙂

So, I guess the message here is that for those of you that are blessed to be parents and grandparents, don’t take it for granted.  Enjoy every minute of it and relish the memories!  And remember when you run across those of us that don’t have kids, please be gentle, and remember it’s not necessarily that we didn’t want them (though I know there are some people that don’t), it was just not in God’s plan for us.

Saying goodbye to my womb is bittersweet in that it never got to carry a child to term, but I truly can’t wait to not have anymore issues with it.  I’ll be ok, I’m just a little sad is all.

Please wish me luck (and pray for my hubby!) in the next adventure in my life….. it’s called menopause! 😀

Have a very Blessed and fantabulous happy healthy weekend! 🙂

12 thoughts on “I thought saying goodbye to my womb would be easier…..

  1. Lisa, you are a very strong woman who would have made an excellent mother and Troy a great father. God had a different path for you two. No doubt you have both touched and changed the lives of so many people through your travels that resulted from my brothers tragic accident. I admire your commitment, tenacity, willingness and ability to make the most out of every disappointment or new direction your life takes! I’ve known throughout our years together as I had children and now a grandchild on the way that it must be hard on you and Troy. That knowledge hurts my heart. But, you have handled the pain and disappointment with more grace than any woman I know. You have so much unconditional love to give and I speak from experience when I say that those whose life you and Troy touch are most definitely blessed. I pray that this surgery will be a success and put an end to your physical struggle and that you will continue to draw strength from God as He meets all your needs! I love you! Cammi

    1. Thank you Cammi for those very kind and thoughtful words! I do like to think that Troy and I would’ve been as wonderful of parents as you and Kevin have been, and I knowwwww you’re going to be wonderful grandparents too! If it weren’t for God, and my faith in Him, I don’t think I could’ve made it through even half of what I’ve been through in my life, so I know He will be with me as I move through this next difficult part too. I just always try to keep that thought first and foremost; and then in the end I see that all is well yet again and give thanks. 🙂 Thank you for always being my wonderful sister-in-law! I love you too! xoxo

  2. I am literally balling over here. Oh how I love you sweet Lisa. I will be praying for you, and Troy. My sympathy is with you, and I’ve never really thought about all you’ve said until now. I don’t know why God planned it all this way, but just know He is with you every step of the way. I love you with all my heart my dear sweet friend.

    1. Thank you Cassie, I love you too. God always has a plan and He always knows what’s best, even when we do not. It just wasn’t in His plans for us to be parents. There have been some really hard times over the years, but I did finally accept that. Now to accept never being a grand parent either…. I’ll get there with His help though! 😉 <3

  3. Love you, Lisa, and sending you many prayers and hugs your way!! I understand how blessed we have been, but seriously, if you ever want to borrow a kid…I can loan one out to you. Being a parent isn’t always (and my two-year-old granddaughter pitched a royal fit last weekend in public), but I do realize how blessed we are. You are also blessed in so MANY wonderful ways, my sweet and multi-talented friend!!. God is always there, and He’ll take great care of you during your surgery and after. Wish I had a new book for you to read, but I’m sure you’ll find something. Blessings!

    1. Love you too JoAnn! I’m so blessed to have you as such a wonderful friend! lol, I know there can be times you wish you could crawl under a rock when it comes to your kiddos and grands, I’ve been witness a few times of some of my own friends/relatives kiddos a few over the years. lol God will be with me that day for sure, and I’m not worried because I know He’ll be there watching. 🙂 I wish you had a book for me too! I’m reading a new one now that is good, but just doesn’t have YOUR touch! I’m sure I’ll find something to read until your next awesome book is released, but I’ll be waiting on pins and needles until it is! 🙂 xx <3

  4. thinking of you and sending warm hugs…

    1. Thank you Nicole <3

  5. Hey i never knew, I am so sorry that you had this problem but know you are loved and you have always been one of my favorite cousins. My dog has your middle name. i know the dog part and telling you that you are one of my favorite cousins, isn’t about your story. But know my thoughts and prayers are always with you.

    1. Thank you Cheryl! You made my day! Love you cousin! <3

  6. Best of luck, Lisa.

    1. Thank you Rob! 🙂

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